so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize