If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
