You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
