Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
