Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
