so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
