I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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