Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
