The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
