Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
