I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
