you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
