Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
