A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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