im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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