Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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