So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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