Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and she was petting her beer can
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
