I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize