Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i will never coherently bang her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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