apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
smell my finger.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
