Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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