My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Terrible idea I love it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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