just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
