there's paper in my vomit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
