He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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