I just pynch a tree in the face
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
