how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish you could order shots online.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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