The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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