Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
