saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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