Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize