I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
