oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
