I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
