HIV tests are more positive than that guy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
