Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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