Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
