We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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