Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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