Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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