You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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