Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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