I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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