Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
