I CAN MOONWALK!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont even know how to be here
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
