I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
