Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
