For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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