just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
