We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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