I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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