Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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