why didn't you poke me back
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
