the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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