i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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