Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize