If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
