woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
