I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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