We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
