i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
