awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
