i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
