whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
