We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
