Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
