Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize