I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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