Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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