i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
