i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
