I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Someone came in the potted fern
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
